


"It always comes back to this with you, doesn't it?"

by rhysands_highlady



Series: The Lucky Ones Series [5]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24325855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhysands_highlady/pseuds/rhysands_highlady
Summary: In which Feyre and Lucien argue sometime after Rhys has left Los Angeles
Relationships: Feyre Archeron/Lucien Vanserra
Series: The Lucky Ones Series [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1206774
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

“No,” Lucien said, his arms crossed over his chest. He watched Feyre’s face go red with anger. 

“Why the hell not?” Feyre said. She threw her hands up in the air for emphasis. 

“Because.” He avoided her gaze and focused on the coffee maker on the counter instead. 

“Because why, Lucien? ‘Because’ isn’t an answer,” Feyre spat. He didn’t answer, shaking his head and looking down at the ground. “If you’re not going to answer me, then I’m just going to leave—“ 

“Stop, I just—I can’t lose you too,” Lucien said, cutting her off as his eyes met hers. He hoped all of his fear and love shine through in his expression. 

“It always comes back to this with you, doesn’t it?” Feyre said, her tone still harsh despite the way her shoulders dropped slightly. 

“Back to what?” He was playing dumb. She knew that. 

“To him!” Feyre said, gesturing to the ring hanging from his neck. “To your broken heart that I don’t know how to fix.” As she spoke, her face crumbled like a cookie and her voice faltered like it had the day Rhys left. 

It had been 6 months. Tamlin was tucked away in jail. Nesta and Cassian were going strong. Mor had found some work, but mostly spent her time debating whether or not she should call up Pandora again after the incident in October. She was a rollercoaster. 

And Feyre and Lucien? They’d found some sort of normal. They didn’t love it, but they were… content most days. Most nights… Lucien didn’t think about the nights unless it was night time or, he supposed, when his kind-of girlfriend brought up the subject of Rhysand Spera in the middle of the afternoon. 

“It’s not your job to fix me, love,” Lucien said softly, even as he felt the blow of her words. 

“No? Then what am I supposed to do, Lucien? Leave you here? Because it hurts me to see you hurting and I feel like I’m only making things worse.”

“You’re not doing anything wrong,” Lucien assured her. He watched as she paced back and forth in the kitchen, running her hands through her hair and over her face. 

“Damn it!” Feyre said, kicking one of the bar stools. “Be angry with me! I can’t stand it when you’re so calm and act like you’re so put together! You’re not. I know you’re not. You know that I know that, so stop acting like everything’s okay!”

“Fine, everything’s fucked. My studio is in debt. My boyfriend left me because I couldn’t fucking protect him from being attacked by  _ your _ ex-boyfriend. The best friend I’ve ever had left over a year ago and is fucking with my boyfriend’s cousin who is also my friend.”

Feyre froze and stared at him like she’d never seen him before. He continued. 

“Everything in this house reminds me of what I’ve lost and I’d rather go back to my own apartment, not that it would really make much difference because it’s also full of memories and pictures and smells, so really I should just get a new place altogether, but I can’t leave you here and I don’t know if I’m ready to move in with you even though we technically already live together because it feels too much like forgetting and moving on, and I  _ can’t _ .” 

Lucien choked on a sob. 

“Feyre, I can’t. Because I’ve loved him for a long while, long before he ever saw me the same way. I know you can’t wrap your head around loving someone that much because you’ve never had the opportunity, but him being gone feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, torn in half, and stuffed back in. So  _ sorry _ if I need to distract myself during the day because if I don’t then I’ll count every fucking minute that he’s been gone.”

He almost regretted the bitterness in his tone, but not quite. She wanted anger, and she got it. “Do whatever the fuck you want,” Lucien said before he exited the kitchen and left the house. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bbies make up but are still sad

As soon as the front door slammed shut, Feyre crumpled. She sat down at one of the bar stools and put her head in her hands. 

_ How had they gotten to this point? _

Tears dampened her hands before she pushed back her hair. She interlaced her fingers at the back of her neck and swallowed thickly. 

She could’ve sworn she heard someone distantly yell “Fuck!” but she couldn’t be sure…

She should go after him. He would do the same for her. 

So, sniffling, she stood from the bar stool and grabbed her keys from the bowl on the counter. She had no idea where to even start looking for him, but she had to try. 

It seemed she didn’t have to look too far. She opened the front door and found him sitting on the porch step, hunched over and shaking. Lucien didn’t turn to look at her as she sat down next to him.

They sat in silence for a while, except for the sniffles she heard from him. She looked out at the calm suburban street. Her forearms rested on her knees, her hands clasped together.

“I miss him too,” Feyre said, her voice breaking. “Probably not even close to how much you do, but… I do miss him.”

Lucien lifted his head and stared out at the street like she was. She glanced over at him and could see the tears streaming down his face. Her heart ached. 

“I never know what to say at times like these, but,” Feyre began and nudged his knee slightly with her own, “Lucien, I’m here whenever you need to talk.”

Lucien sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know where I’d even start, sunshine.” Feyre’s lips twitched at the pet name.

She shrugged, looking down at her hands. “There’s no rush. I just wanted you to know.”

At that, he finally turned to look at her and smiled sadly before pulling her into him. He rested his chin on her head as he stroked her back. “I’m sorry for what I said.”

Feyre sighed and turned her head to the side where it rested on his chest. “You were right though. I don’t know what it’s like to love someone that much… but I think… I think I could.”

“Of course you can, love,” Lucien said, fingering the ends of her hair.

“No, I mean with you, with him… we just never got the chance,” Feyre explained. Lucien froze for a moment before pushing her away so she was at arms length, his hands on her shoulders.

He studied her face as he said, “You mean that?” Feyre nodded, smiling a bit nervously. “Oh, well, I--” He cut himself off and Feyre raised a brow, noting the conflict that was apparent on his face. His hands dropped from her shoulders only for one to slide around the back of her neck and the other to slide around her waist.

Then he was kissing her, hard. She gasped slightly into his mouth before melting against him, an arm wrapping around his shoulders. His lips were slightly salty from his tears, but they weren’t kissing long enough for it to bother her at all. He pulled away faster than she would’ve liked. However, she wasn’t going to push either of their boundaries.

Lucien smiled at her, brushing a piece of hair out of her face. She smiled back. His face softened.

“He loved you,” Lucien said, almost inaudibly. Feyre’s heart stopped.

“What?” she said.

“I don’t know if he was in love with you yet,” Lucien continued, “but he was falling for you. Very, very fast. He wears his heart on his sleeve, Feyre. I’m surprised you didn’t notice. He probably would’ve gone to Tamlin for anyone, but…” Lucien shook his head, looking out at the street again. “Gods, he loved you. I could see it in his eyes.”

“And you didn’t care?” Feyre said softly.

Lucien smiled, wider than she’d seen in a long time. “No, not when I felt the same… not when we’d lie in bed at night talking about you. Especially the days you came over… I’d catch him watching you as you spoke and his eyes would drift to your lips and then over to me. He was very exasperated with the fact that you were in a relationship with  _ Tamlin  _ of all people.”

Lucien looked over at her again. “I’m sorry we didn’t try to get you out of his clutches sooner. It would’ve saved us all a lot of trouble, most of all you.”

“I stayed because I wanted him put away, not because I loved him,” Feyre said. “Still, I felt guilty all the time for having feelings for the two of you while in a relationship with him. Whatever, it doesn’t matter now.”

Lucien took her hand and nodded. “It does matter, if it’s bothering you, but you don’t have to talk about it right now.” Feyre gave him a small smile and he pulled her in to watch the sunset.


End file.
